he was CRYING into my vagina
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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