just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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