i would punch a child for taco bell
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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