you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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