booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
try to milk me bitch
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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