you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
