i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
