1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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