hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
