then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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