I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
