Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
