You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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