So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
