ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
40s are totally the cure
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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