Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
