need another drink. this is the easiest way
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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