My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
