if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
