forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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