I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
