I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
