Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
His hands were made for my vagina.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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