I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
