Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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