I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize