it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
