Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Why are your pants in the freezer?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
