I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
