I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
