tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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