We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
