I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
