I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
