No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
