dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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