obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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