I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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