you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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