you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
whose parrot is this?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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