I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
