it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
