I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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