I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
