he wants to bone in the snuggie
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
