was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
