i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
