Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
