you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
high people should be assigned attendants
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I AM VODKA MAN
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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