She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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