my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
