Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
