p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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