Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
