i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
