I want to stick my p in your. b.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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