This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
