it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
