His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
