he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
