Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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