Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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