She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
