Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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