yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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