Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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