Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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