wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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