everyone is single if you try hard enough
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
