I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
