Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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