my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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