Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
