True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize