Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
