Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
