I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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