Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You're like the curious george of whores
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
