I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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