is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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