Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The Olympian is in my bed
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
