This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
