Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
How's work?
Spinning.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
