tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize