I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
