I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
