so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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