Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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