And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We are all done wearing pants today
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
