I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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