would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
