Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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