Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i love accidental penises.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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